Reader's Letters

I thought I would share a couple of recent e-mails I've received from blog readers. Judging from the messages I've received you are a super curious bunch! Oh, and to A.S. from Pacoima, I actually never saw Bob Denver's "thingie", so I can't answer your question. And what makes you think I would have looked in the first place? Anyway, on to the more reasonable letters...

Dear Mr. Ames,

You claim to be an expert on the breed and yet you do not use the proper spelling. It should be spelled, S-h-i T-z-u or S-h-i-h T-z-u. You only make yourself look stupid when you make spelling mistakes. If you don't even know how to spell the breed's name, how can you be considered a Shi Tzu expert?

Signed,
Mrs. A. Noid
Redding

Dear Ms. Noid,

Do you have to be such a be-yatch? The fact of the matter is you don't know Shitzu from Shinola. The crazy spelling you prefer is based on the Wade-Giles system of romanization which I wholeheartily reject out of hand. The Wade-Giles system has been proven inferior and is no longer used by legitimate, professional Shitzu breathers, er, breeders.

Dear Mr. Ames,

Did you ever meet the great Billy Mumy? He was one of my favorite actors. Where is he now and what is he doing? I believe his performance on TV's "Lost In Space" outshone even that of Guy Williams.

Signed,
Amanda Pooterstain
Van Nuys

Dear Amanda,

Better than Guy Williams? High praise indeed. Yes, Billy was a contemporary of mine and I used to see him on the lot all the time. We would hang out together, and being precocious Hollywood 13-year-olds we would often go behind the make-up trailers and smoke a "doobie." It was 1966, you know. Sometimes we'd get a couple of the script continuity girls, get them high and bang 'em behind the "My Mother The Car" set. Once we even nailed 'em in the back seat of "Mother"! I don't think the property guys ever got all the stains out.

Today, Billy is a thrice-divorced salesman living in the Valley and attending court-ordered AA meeting 5 times a week. I used to see him Tuesdays and Thursdays and we'd talk about the "good old days" over a couple of beers. I haven't seen him much since moving to Redding, but I would love to get him up here for one of my Actor's Workshops. He's an amazing talent, but I don't know if you could put him in the Guy Williams class. Thanks for your letter.

Dear Mr. Ames,

My little Shih Tzu, "Caesar", has difficulty breeding, er, I mean breathing. In fact, he hasn't done any in two days now. What should I do?

David Hockaloogie
Santa Monica

Dear David,

Whatever you do, don't waste your money on a vet. Besides veterinarians being crooks and charlatans, you'd be paying for a diagnosis I can make by e-mail. Let's just say you won't be going through the liver, rice and kibble at the same rate. Adjust your shopping accordingly.

Well, that's all for today! Come back later for more dish and dogs!